Thinking about my dad, again...1 May 2010

Well, just over 8 weeks since he died and just under 8 weeks since we buried hm.

The wound is deeper and fresher than I realized, my feelings tested worst than I'd admitted.

I do a lot of my thinking "aloud," by writing poetry.

I wrote this morning, looking to sort things out for myself...


Grey Muse

Through the tears in my soul;
Came the tears to my eyes.
And pale was my heart
As I walked past the Pale

The journey was bleak
As I strode alone
Beneath the wan light
Of an ashy grey sky.

The path was dusty
Though no mark I left
My foot falls were muffled
As if I were naught

Ahead was a sight
The same as behind
From darkness I came
To darkness I trekked

Then off to the side
A spark danced afar
Tiny, actinic
Attracting my eyes

The light seemed to call
Alter your course
Get out of this path
Take hold of yourself

My body felt leaden
Fighting the thoughts
Of turning aside
And leaving the gloom

My Self shrieked at Me
As if the effort
Were causing great pain
Great fear and great burden

But I slowly turned
As I sensed the Right
That following flare
Was best thing to do

The ground seemed to heal
As I left the dust
And finally my feet
Were buried in grass

I looked behind
The darkness was clear
A part of my past
Perhaps journey's end

But something inside
Had known all along
That I still had life
And things I must do

The dark had been quiet,
Calming and kind
The easiest path
For me, myself and I

But that's not the way
I had learned to walk
Not easiest path
But being and doing

The light's where I am
It's where I will stay
Though I know that the dark
Ever will lurk

Through the tears in my soul;
Came the tears to my eyes.
And pale was my heart
As I walked past the Pale